


Dress how I want

by oswinosgoodsscarf



Category: I Wish You All the Best - Mason Deaver
Genre: Other, ben wears a dress and feel good about themselves, gender euphoria, i suppose playing with presentation?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:07:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26144608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oswinosgoodsscarf/pseuds/oswinosgoodsscarf
Summary: Ben opened their eyes and thought 'Oh, this feels right'OrThat one part where Ben goes clothes shopping with their sister gave me feelings and I wanted to write something positive about clothing for them.
Relationships: Nathan Allan/Ben De Backer
Kudos: 15





	Dress how I want

**Author's Note:**

> Ok I wrote this in like 15 minutes. I just finished reading I Wish You All The Best again and I had to write something for this book so dear to my heart. Enjoy!

Ben took a deep breath before walking over to the "women's" section. They fought the urge to run back into the familiar territory of the men's section immediately; as much as it chafed to be put in that box, it was a familiar feeling. Out here, they felt exposed, as if someone would start pointing and yelling or chase them out of the store.

 _Breathe_ , they told themselves.

Despite their nerves, the yearning won out, and they reached over and rubbed the hem of a shirt gently. It wasn't exactly their style; the colors were too bright and the neckline didn't look comfortable, but the novelty of it practically made them dizzy. Wandering through the aisles, they took the opportunity to look and touch as much as they wanted, making up for the years spent quickly averting their gaze, pretending they didn't want to know how the cute sweaters and dresses would feel against their skin. Row after row, they touched and lingered and smiled.

They almost overlooked it, distracted by stripes on one side and orange on the other; but on a whim, Ben held the dress up in the light, and they maybe fell a bit in love. The pale, pastel pink lace spread the darker pink of the main fabric, running along the hem and neckline. The bodice was pleated, and the skirt was full, silky material fluttering with every movement. It felt like water in Ben's hand.

_Breathe_

Glancing around, they looked at the sizing and hoped it would work out. In quick strides, they made their way to the changing rooms, sighing in relief at the gender neutral sign before slipping into a cabin. It felt even better than they'd thought it would; soft and smooth and new. Even with their eyes closed, they could tell where things didn't fit quite right, but it wasn't as bad as they'd feared: a few small adjustments and the dress would fit them fantastically.

_Breathe_

Ben opened their eyes and stood frozen, staring into the mirror.

_Oh, this feels right._

The thought of going out in public with the dress on may have sent frissons of panic through their veins, but Ben knew they had to buy it, if only to experience that feeling of *rightness* again. Fumbling for their phone, they took a picture with shaking hands to send to Nathan. Ben may have already made their decision, but they were dying to see what their boyfriend had to say. Almost immediately, they got a reply.The barrage of heart emojis sparked a warmth in their chest.

They didn't know when they'd feel completely comfortable going out in public wearing the clothes they actually liked. Maybe tomorrow, or next week; next to Mariam in front of a crowd, or going to their next therapist appointment, or going to the store, or maybe that panicked itching may never go away completely. But the feeling of the fabric swishing against their knees, the feeling of looking in the mirror and not immediately seeing the mistakes settled, warm and fragile and wonderful, under their skin.

Ben caught their gaze in the mirror and smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope I did Ben justice- as an afab genderfluid person, I will never have the experiences that someone like Ben will have, but I remember wearing my first things from the "mens'" section and after that shopping scene in the book (I've been there), I just really wanted to write something about Ben getting a similar experience to mine. I hope it wasn't too ooc. If I portrayed something wrong, please let me know! Kudos and comments are very much appreciated!


End file.
